This time I wrote a story that's supposed to be a "parody of a parody" based on my favorite Simpsons Treehouse of Horror segment. While the first part is actually based on what happened to me, so it will be obvious when that changes, so enjoy!

Journal Entry, September 21, 2026

I have no fucking idea, that putting my gaming device onto the slender square table right near the doorway next to a plant was a good plan. My mother warned me an accident would happen, and it did when I was walking around, and I accidentally tripped on the power cable, and suddenly, the top screen of my device broke. I have no idea of how to repair any electronic, and I was afraid that I might fuck it up. It’s already bad enough that I have ordered some repairs for the lower side, as the shell broke, and the right screw is now worthless in holding in the console along with the fact that I even got a cover shell that did not even do its job right. Yeah, I could get someone else to repair it, but I can’t wait that long since I already wasted so much of my life in a shitty school, of course that’s a different subject for a different time. 

I don’t want to go too deep into this story, because it leads to a situation that many would not even believe is possible, or at least the people I used to know. I would go outside on the same day to a retro game store way at the tip of the island of Manhattan to see that they have none of the types of handhelds I have, nor do they do repair to it, or anything related to it at all. It was a bummer and a waste of time, since I got a strap bag for the console there, along with a game that I now have to move the save data on digitally before actually getting the game. On the same day, I decided to go to a game store to get the replacement handheld from there, only to find out it was $500 to get the version I wanted. So I had to dip out, and one more store nearby was already closed, or was closing, so I had to leave, and maybe I will go back there tomorrow.

I went to sleep early since I wanted a better screen and to transfer all of my data onto my newer console that I was about to get. Once it’s morning, I was able to go to the last store, and I would buy a console on impulse for about $325, tax included. As soon as I got home, I decided to figure out how to start the process. I had to take a break to make myself a quick lunch and to hang out at a friend’s house for a while since I have not seen for a while. After I went through the whole process of transferring everything onto my other console, although with certain games, I had to find a different way to bring them back, and I can only bring back some of them, and of course I was stupid enough to delete save data for a certain game, so I guess that’s that. I decided to tinker a bit with the code, and I went outside to take some fresh air, and I went to Astoria to hang out with a friend, since he has gotten a new fighting game I would like to try for myself. Of course I don’t intend on ever getting it, so I went there for a bit, plus it’s been a while since we hung out.

On my way home during the nighttime on the subway, I was a bit tired, so I decided to just relax and put my feet onto the seats. I was on my phone looking at the news on social media, because, well I don’t trust the mainstream media since they often lie about what’s going on. While I was doing that, just one stop away, two cops went up to me. “Hi there, we just want to have a word. Get off the train so we can check you out” One of them said. I have an intense hatred of cops, and I always mock them, but I complied anyway, well because I just don’t want a hole in my head. I missed my train, and I'm going to be home late thanks to these assholes. I did not say anything since I was so intimidated with both the social, legal and physical power they have over me. “Don’t worry, you are not in trouble, we just pulled you off because you should not have taken up multiple seats, that's all.” WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! THOSE ASSHOLES PULLED ME OVER ALL BECAUSE I TOOK UP MANY SEATS! That is the stupidest reason they pulled me off! There was literally nobody else in the cart, I was the only one in there along with one other guy who just didn’t give a shit. I should have said ‘Am I under arrest’ or ‘Can I have a lawyer’, but I was so afraid that this did not come to mind. And of course getting angry would lead to a nasty situation on my end. “Do you have any identification with you? We would like to see that.” One of them said, I had to take out my wallet, and I gave them my disabled metrocard at first, but they rejected that, until one of them saw my Medicaid card. They just took it right out of my pocket, and we had to wait for about 5 minutes for it to be processed through their machine, and I would get my card back once the process ended. “Alright then, carry on, just don’t do it again.” They said as they left the station, and now I am just plain angry that I have missed the train, and I am going to be late going home. 

Once I got home, I just decided to continue working on my modded game system, as I would eventually find some weird program online that I did even know existed within the modding community, and I would check in the message chat to see if anybody even knew what this software was, as apparently, I searched it once, and there is barely any search results related to it. Nobody had any idea, and all of them told me not to even install in the first place. Although I should listen to the experts, I was very curious to even know what this software even does. I installed it into my Handheld, and soon enough, it brought me to a screen where I tap in any date. I was uncertain of what to make of this, so I decided to tap in a random date being June 12, 1620. I pressed start, and a whole bunch of sparks started to fly off, and I still had the system on my hands, and a flash appeared. I blinked, and the second I opened them, I saw that I was in some sort of psychedelic hole with colors that I can’t describe, which could cause the human mind to explode, but I would say they are bluish-reddish with a bit of yellow. With all of this seizure inducing lights, I was overwhelmed. 

Thankfully it was just 5 seconds, as I would find myself in a forest, as if the software itself was some sort of magical device. No, I refuse to believe that such a thing is even possible. How can something like this even act as some kind of teleportation device! I was so scared about what happened, like how I was going to get food or where I would sleep during the night. I was glad that it was still daytime, so I decided to look around, and walking across a river, I would just find more woods on the other side. I walked for a bit to see that there were actually a few ships, and there were Gallons and a few rowboats. I might in the revolutionary time in this country. Oh… I don’t think I had a teleportation device. I think the app must have been a TIME MACHINE. Great, now that I am stuck in an era where electronics don’t even exist, and worse, the people here will be suspicious. I decided to take a short walk to try to relax and think of a way out, and soon enough I got bothered by a fly that won’t leave me alone. I squashed  it by chance, and dammit those bastards are hard to kill. Then sparks can come out of the console yet again.

Journal Entry, Date Unknown

I thought I was going to be stuck in the 15th century forever, to then see that I was right where I was last time. I guess all of this time travel stuff was bullshit after all, since I did have some shrooms just to calm myself down right after I broke my console. However a series of beeps came along, and came the announcement right out of my laptop, “ATTENTION MR. WELLS! IT’S TIME TO GET YOUR ASS OUT OF YOUR HOUSE AND GO TO WORK!!! It’s not like the stock market is going up any higher on its own!” The woman on the computer said, and I could not believe who it was: It’s that ugly woman that I used to bully back when I was back at middle school. I never knew that I would end up under her authority. I pinched myself to make sure that it was real, because I was really hoping this was some kind of nightmare. But I felt pain, so I think I should just do what she wants out of me. Now that I think about it, I DID remember killing, so maybe that tiny minor thing must have caused this massive change in the first place. Well I can’t go back now with her there, so I guess

“SIR YES SIR” I yelled out once he got off the intercom, and took the subway onto work. Once I was on, it was cramped as hell with people pushing each other just to get to their destination at their jobs. So pretty much, nothing’s really changed except that I am forced to go to work everyday through legal force rather than simply just through simply having to pay rent. After that I just sat in my cubicle just editing some boring design documents. Just like that boring part time job I had. Of course once I was alone of course I decided to go online and search up pornography of my favorite fetishes, something that I want to get out of, but hey at least it’s better than doing this bullshit every hour with no breaks. Eventually, through the intercom came an announcement, “Attention all employees, it’s time for the annual icebreaker game! This is to increase productivity and create a greater family!” the voice said in a nurturing, yet kind of disturbing tone.

We all had to play this game, and God, do I have to tell you how much I hate icebreakers, since they are so childish, and I will never understand why careers even do them in the first place when they don’t lead to anything actually productive. My boss started the game, and she was none other than my high school guidance counselor Elyssa Anders. She’s just a massive bitch since she forced us to do pointless things here and now in this timeline. “All right, I can see that productivity is low in this sector. Sorry for the inconvenience, but since some people here were either too busy doing their work or focused on catching other moochers. We have been letting a few through the strainer as of late. The point of this program is to catch those few who escaped our notice.” she said. Great, I think I am fucked, and I don’t think the consequences are going to be good. I have to look for some kind of excuse to get out and use that time machine app once again. “Alright Pizzo, you go first, tell us what were you last doing?” 

“I was counting all of the profits from the last semester, so we can make sure that we can reach record heights this and future semesters.” Pizzo said so smug and proud, and gosh I already want to punch that stupid goober in the face, and he’s another dork I knew back in high school. 

After a while of everyone telling their pointless actions, it would eventually reach me, and as Elyssa looked in my direction, she soon asked me the question, “Mr. Wells, I see that you have something to share. And you better have something this time, as this is your last strike! So do you have anything to share?!” She yelled in an annoyed manner. I was petrified, as if her voice had the same effect as Medusa’s eyes, shivering in cold fear. I looked up porn, and now I wish I at least did a little bit of work so I can come up with a good lie, but I can’t. I guess I should tell a bad lie and hope they will be fooled by it at first so I can buy some time to go to the bathroom. 

“Well, I was um… Calculating the numbers in our trans-galactic strategy in how we could send some supplies to Uranus because we could fight against them terrorist aliens trying to destroy our kind.” I don’t know why I was thinking that, as I don’t believe that humanity in this timeline actually went off to space, and everyone in the room all started to laugh at me in a mocking tone except for Elyssa who was not amused by what I have to say.

“Mr. Wells, do you think this is funny?! From that ridiculous story, it’s obvious that you didn’t do any work at all! I bet you have been wasting your time looking up those illegal sites, have YOU!!!” Yeah, she seems mad, like mad mad.

“FINE!! I WILL BE HONEST HERE YOU CUNT! BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT?!! I DON’T WANT TO WASTE MY WHOLE LIFE DOING USELESS SHIT LIKE THIS! I WANT TO PLAY AMAZING VIDEO GAMES, AND I AM NOT HURTING ANYONE WHILE DOING IT IS THAT A PROBLEM?!!!” I yelled out in anger, as the whole room just stood there in shock. Elyssa was already mad at me, and at first I thought she was going to yell at me, but she said in a calm yet clearly furious tone, “Listen Wells, you already crossed the line enough already, and now I think it’s time that an order for some rehabilitation is now in order.” I do not like the sound of that, but I decided that I have only one option, RUN!!! I tried to sprint right out the door, and right away I was grabbed by all my co-workers. I had one of them holding me from behind, and , as Elyssa then said “Wells, you really think we are letting you dash off, especially since your job is the most crucial part in this business. You already let off many people with your internet browsing, and THAT’S what's actually a waste of time!”, then the police arrived on the scene. “Security, this is the slacker who’s been doing time theft.” She told them both, and they looked exactly like the cops who stopped me at the subway back at the original timeline when I had gotten the new game system.

“Look, we mean you no harm, all we are going to do is to simply just disconnect all of your emotional connections, so you can become a better worker.” One of the cops said. Yeah, that does not sound good. I bashed my head against the co-worker holding me, and I right away grabbed the closest chair and bashed them at the others so it would be easier to make my getaway as I then threw it at her. 

Once I made my getaway, the cops of course did exactly what they were trained to do, and more joined in along with their dogs. I was making through the hallways, and at every turn I was always being cut off by cops. Then I saw that there was a bathroom that I could lock myself in so I could get enough time to activate the time machine. As I made my way there as fast as I could, they all found me. However I managed to get myself at least to a straight hallway with all of the cops behind rather than from all corners. “GET BACK NOW, YOU SCUM!!” One of the cops said, as now they are right on my tail. I have to think fast before they apprehend me, but then I found in my sweater pocket that I had a can of cola and some popping candy, combine them, and then I can actually create a super drink to give me more energy! Man, that was smart, so I quickly opened both products, poured as much pop candy as I could into the cola can, and once it seemed like it was about to explode, I drank it! Now I can move much faster, and I avoided all of the policemen! I locked myself in the single room toilet, opened up my game console and put on the same setting. I just hope that I can actually get a better future this time around, because I do not do anything like my original timeline or something worse!

Journal Entry, 2nd Time Travel

Now I am back in the 15th century, right back in the natural environment. I am starting to actually make the connection that maybe the fly that I killed might have caused the whole world to have this obsession with pointless work that benefits no one. I can’t think about the danger I was just in, I have to find a way out to at least to have a somewhat better future, or present to be more accurate. I decided to just go for a walk while keeping an eye out for any bugs or plants that may or may not be poisonous. I would actually soon encounter a trio of hunters with their rifles up at my face. I was not expecting to meet anyone at this time, having a heart attack, as I then fell my ass on a pile of flowers. “Tell me boy, who are you, and what is that thing?” The man said with his bearded face in a menacing tone, as from the looks of it, I can assume that must believe that I am a wizard, obviously as he never saw a handheld electronic ever in his life. But I have no time to respond, as then the device just zapped once again, and it brought me back to the present. 

Seems exactly like I left it, and I just hope that I don’t have the intercom telling me that I am late for work. I decided to go outside so I could find out what happened, to then see that nobody was in the streets. I thought this looked a bit peculiar, but then I made one sound, and soon a whole hoard of zombies came out of nowhere, from every corner. “HOLY SHIT! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!” I yelled, as I went to my apartment, and used the time machine once again. I hate getting those seizures a third time, but if it means getting another future, then so be it!

Journal Entry, 3rd Time Travel

I went back again to the same year, and this time, I encountered those hunters yet again, and this time, there are more this time around. They all surrounded me, as they all are now more angry than ever, and now I wonder, how do they remember me, and why am I even here in a few seconds forward, like does the time machine even check the exact seconds? Never mind that, I have bigger issues here. The leader with an angry expression, the man from earlier , moved forward. “Now tell me this again, boy, and I will ask you one more time. What is that thing?” He said menacingly, and they all pointed firing squad style. I do not know what to even say with all the pressive of so many guns pointed at me, but I sneeze without covering my mouth, right at the leader. Soon enough with it hitting the lead hunter, he sneezed, and collapsed. 

“SORCERY!! THIS GUY IS A WITCH!!! LET’S KILL HIM!!” One of the men screamed in terror, as he too sneezed and collapsed, and the rest followed, and even the rodents, squirrels, rabbits, deer, birds and even the trees all started to die off in a quick manner. I gulped really hard at this turn of event, here just praying that the consequences won’t be that severe. 

Journal Entry, 4th Time Travel

I would find myself in front of a nice fairy tale castle just like a certain place where the mouse hangs out. Like wow, I was not expecting that. I decided to go in there to see it has all of the nice features that one actually has. With a pseudo-medieval aesthetic, a maid came over to me and gave out a letter, “How you do fair master, are you taking the ferrari to your brother’s funeral?” she asked. Then a princess would come down, and man was she so hot and beautiful. “Hey Mr. Wells dear, I can assume you prepared to head out right?” The princess said. So I have a hot wife, nice house and car, my brother dead, AWESOME!!! It looks like I have actually hit it big! Like who knew actually causing a pandemic could give me such a good future? 

“Cool! Anyways, what’s the latest video game release?” I asked, but everyone just gave a puzzled look. 

“I am sorry, but what the fuck are video games?” She wondered. 

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” I screamed once again at the top of my lungs, as the hobby does not exist in this future, so I rushed out the door and used the time machine once again. It may seem great, but the lack of games is a HUGE turn off.

Journal Entry, 5th Time Travel

I will just get to the point, as this is just getting tiring already. I went outside to the streets, as this timeline was the same as it was back with the second and third attempts, but I would end up encountering an army of military clad men in a futuristic style. I guess I am back in the same situation again with the hunters in the 1620s. “Mr. Wells, you are in violation of the Time Code Number 247, altering the timeline to fit your selfish needs! We order you to give up your Nintendo now, or face prison time up to 20 years!” The leader with a green visor and shiny navy blue armor said as his platoon. I panicked, but I held the handheld frim in my hand. 

“FUCK YOU ALL! MY HANDHELD IS MY MOST TREASURED FRIEND, AND I WILL NEVER LET YOU HAVE IT!” I yelled out. Suddenly, a blast from the sky emerged, and it came from some weird cloud-like creature, as it was laughing while it killed them in agony. With its massive eyeballs, it stared at me, as it grinned. I ran right away, as lightning tried to hit close to me, and the cloud even tried to drop blobs of corrosive acid onto me. I was lucky that I dodged every single one. I took cover inside an abandoned store, and I found an AK-47 lying around, a lighter and some oil. I picked them all up in case they may be useful at some point. Since I ran from that cloud, I might as well check out this future I saw that the skies were dark and twisted, rainbows were monochrome, tornadoes were yelling, rain of acid, plants made of flesh were at every spot and various monsters, just all of this looks like the kind of thing you would see out of a Mad Max movie, but Lovecraftian in nature. I would see some punk raiders yelling, but as the aliens like those in cartoons. Yeah, I’m so out of here.

Journal Entry, 6th Time Travel and beyond

You know what?!! At this point, I am PISSED. Like I have now gotten the TIME POLICE there to stop me from changing the future!!! My original timeline was SHIT, and I already had to deal with all of this CRAP!! SO I WILL JUST DO WHAT I FEEL LIKE DOING! I used the AK-47, and since I decided to go back to June 5th instead of the same year, I have a little surprise for those hunters. If my knowledge about this time period is correct, New Amsterdam should still be a small town, so I should be able to get in there and start a mass shooting. I was able to pass the wall of the city, and once I was in, some of the people stared at me with suspicion due to my mannerism and clothing. In this poor, almost medieval town, I fired flying metal balls of death, piercing through the flesh of the hunters. I would then grab the can of gasoline from my pocket, throw it at a house and light it on fire, appearing to be the house of one of the hunters. It would spread and burn it down to the ground. Good, because I hate those assholes for stopping me, and I hope I at least get a good future out of THAT! You may say that’s too extreme to get revenge on a few ignorant people, over the top or whatever, but if you are in a situation just like mine where you could get killed at every possibility, you would do anything to hopefully get a better future!

Now back at the present, I see that the future was not any better, because IT’S SHIT! And I mean literally, literally SHIT, as everything is made out of POOP! Except for the seas and rivers, which are PEE, and the air, which is FART! With the air unbreathable, with the worst smells combined, I could not even attempt to describe what it's like. This is just getting too weird for me.

The next future I got was just a whole world of sea, where I landed on an iceberg, with just the ocean for miles. 

After that, I found myself in a land of candy, you know like in a certain board game. It looks nice in principle since I can eat everything, but I don’t want cavities, and I already had to have a root canal once from eating too many gummies.

Now I find myself in a world where every woman is “beautiful”, with huge asses and huge boobs while their waist is as thin as a stick and having faces more makeup than skin. Much like those reality TV show hosts that are LAME! Then I got those beastly men with eight packs acting like they are cool, but they are the lamest shit ever. NEXT!

In the next future, I found myself in a circus tent, to then go outside to see the whole world to see a whole city that’s entirely a carnaval, and with buildings so colorful that it seems like it all can be seen for miles. I saw that every single person I have met was a clown, and they were also FEMALE as well. I walked down the streets, and everyone stared at me with evil red smiles. They soon all took out pies from their colorful hats. “Don’t worry human, soon you will understand the joy of being silly.” One of the clown girls said. I hit the time machine without a second thought.

Then I went to a future filled with fabric, as if it’s a dump for clothes that went out of style, reminding me of why I hate the fashion industry.

This is just getting really old, really fast. With this amount of absurdity going on, that has no logical sense in what I perceive in reality in combination with the constant seizures I keep getting, I feel like it’s a matter of time before I start to lose my mind! I would then go to a world where the apes have taken over, and then to one where this one man, being my principle from my late elementary years, is the ruler of the entire world, and then to one where living, humanoid eggplants rule. Now I am feeling like God is real, and he’s just being an asshole who’s putting me through this by his own twisted pleasure. Or I could just be in hell, and I must have done something really cruel to end up in this situation. Then again, I did kill those hunters back at New Amsterdam, so maybe I do deserve this.

Journal Entry, 64th Time Travel

With all of this insanity, the fact I still found time to write this in my journal, and recorded the timeline results just like the first one was a surprise for me. Maybe I can keep this so I can learn to take care of my stuff. I see that I have a much nicer apartment. It’s clean, well organized, the computer is compact, yet powerful, and in one shelf, I have all of my favorite characters of all time, all 27 along with some game consoles, other models, and below I have models of may favorite architecture masterpieces too like the Pyramids and the Hagia Sophia. Heck, I even have a nice view outside of the river, where it’s just endless woods. From the looks of it, it seems like my ideal future. All of a sudden, my phone started to ring, picking me up and being surprised. I then picked it up, to see if this timeline has a catch. “Hello, who is this?” I said nervously, as this phone was just there, and the fact that it came from this future, I want to make sure it was safe.

“Hello Wells, I was wondering when are you coming to the Halloween Party? You are already about 10 minutes late. I was getting worried!” A sweet feminine voice came from the other end, and I don’t seem to recognize the voice from anyone I previously knew. 

“Okay, I will come right away, sorry that I had got myself caught up with something I just invented today.” I replied back, I mean it is technically true.

“Sigh, caught up yet again in another one of your inventions. Could you be a bit more careful? Remember the last time you tried to invent a nuclear powered robot, and it caused damage in the downtown area?! Just get here now, and be careful the next time you create something new.” She hung up the phone. I guess I will give this timeline a chance, because from the looks of it, the woman seems to be someone who cares. I went out to say bye to my parents if there were any, and both of them said bye,  and they both said bye back, and with their usual voices, as I saw through the door that they are human and watching a movie. That’s a good sign at least.

I went outside to see that there’s a game store right next to my house, and they are selling the same exact game console that I have! Well that’s another plus in this future! At least I get to play video games on my favorite handheld. I rushed to the train rather than check out the store, and I would put my legs onto the seats, and seeing everything, it seems like I am in the future, just like in my favorite science fiction sitcoms. There were not many people, but what I saw was a bit weird let’s say and leave it at that. Two actual human cops would come by, and I thought they were about to lecture me, but they just said hi and went about their day. What a relief, I thought I was going to be more late than I already am.

I was able to at least get to my destination, and once I entered the house, I saw a woman who seemed to be wearing a vampire custom. I was out of breath, and I ran up to her, held her and yelled “WHAT COLOR IS THE SKY?! WHAT ARE DONUTS! ARE THERE VIDEO GAMES, AND ARE THEY BANNED?! DO WE HAVE HEALTHCARE?! DO ROBOTS DO ART?! TELL ME!!” I was panicking after my long journey, and I was desperate to know what the hell happened.

“Mr. Wells, are you alright! The sky is blue, donuts are still around, video games are as popular as ever. We have free public services, as you should know as you took the train. And no, robots just do menial labor, they don’t create anything. Are you okay?”

“Sorry, I had a long day working on my most recent project.” I said, yeah, those were all obvious answers, but I still was anxious with all that crap thrown at me. You can’t blame me for being worried about nothing can you?  “I will try to relax and enjoy the party, but hey you and everyone got nice customs, almost as if it’s real!” I said, and dammit they were.

“Um… We are actually demons, are you sure you are ok?.” Then I looked around to see that she was actually a vampire, and other monsters that I would see in movies, books and fantasy RPGs were there…

… Ah, what the hell, I always wanted to be friends with monsters anyway, and since this timeline has so many great things, I could just repair my game system at the store nearby if that accident were to repeat. I would go to the bathroom, and delete the time machine software, as I got a feeling that I would no longer be needing it. It’s been stressful, so I guess I can have a better time with some new friends.

THE END